CHELM-ON-THE-MED©, August 2016 COLUMN 2
THE SMOKING GUN…
On 9 January 2009, Mahmoud Abbas’ three-year term as Palestinian president was up; following his election back in January 2006, Abbas swore he wouldn’t run for office again at the end of his term…and kept his word: Abbas simply extended his term for ‘another year’ then continued to hold the reins to the Palestinian Authority…to this very day, without elections (not without reason*).
In the meantime, Palestinian ‘unity’ and state-making is regressing back into Palestinians’ natural ‘state’ of hostile sectors and sub-national local loyalties – a thugocracy of rival fiefdoms: According to radio journalist and Middle East analyst Pinhas Inbari, chamulot (clans) in Hebron banned together to jettison Abbas and publically pledge allegiance to Jordan** and Nablus is deteriorating into governance by gang warfare (as in 1936-39),
A sign of the times? Palestinian firms delivering cooking gas to customers in the West Bank/Judea & Samaria now carry “Don’t Shoot” decals in addition to “No Smoking” on the side of their fuel trucks… (20il.co.il, JCPA) Photo credit: Pinhas Inbari
* A March 2016 opinion poll found Hamas would win by an 11 percent margin if presidential elections were held…
** 80 percent of Jordanians are Palestinians making Jordan demographically a Palestinian state in everything but name.
THE NAKED TRUTH
In one of the weirdest cases of ‘misconduct’ by a lawyer, the Israeli Bar’s ethics committee deliberated whether to disbar a young Haifa lawyer for breaking Clause 53 of the Israel Bar Association that stipulated “a lawyer must safeguard the honor of the legal profession and refrain from anything that could injure it.”
The attorney in question maintained a Facebook page under her real name that also cited the ‘stage name’ she’d performed under on a host of international porno sites…before hanging out her shingle.
The complaint was dismissed on grounds of ‘lack of sufficient evidence’: The lawyer admitted, and submitted evidence to the effect, that she had indeed starred in porno movies…before she was admitted to the bar (‘working her way through college’ or so it would seem) but she had quit before she began her mandatory year-long residency.*
The ethics committee found no evidence to the contrary and dropped the case - wicked jokes and sayings about the similarities between the high fees of lawyers and hookers notwithstanding. (Yediot)
* ‘clerking’ before standing for the bar
DOG TIRED
The Golan Rescue Unit is designed to extricate hikers who have gotten stuck in a wadi after sundown or been injured on a trail, but three nature lovers from the Sharon who called 100 (police) faced a rather unique problem.
Two other member of their group who had descended into Elal Canyon and could no longer walk were their pets who had injured the pads of their paws in the rough terrain…
One of the beleaguered dogs wasn’t just any doggone pooch that could be picked up and carried back to the car by the owners. He was a 65 kilo mutt that from the looks of it must be a young St. Bernard…
The accommodating emergency responders loaded the Swiss rescue dog on a stretcher and carried the ‘hitch-hiker’ a full four kilometers up the trail to where the girls had parked their car. (Walla.com) Photo credit: the Israel Police Force
THE SHAPE OF THINGS
Swimsuit designer Shani Shemer claims Israeli women are in a class of their own – that is, er…misshapen and in need of special swimsuits.
When Shemer imported swimwear for Israeli women they didn’t fit right, she claims. “Israelis have a real need to mix sizes. There almost isn’t anyone who wears the same size top and bottom piece. Either they have a big bust and small hips, or vise-versa.
Of course, you’ll have to take her word for it; Shemer’s swimsuit boutique is online, without the opportunity to try on the 30 saucy designs, each modeled to fit a particular ‘Israeli mold’. (Calcalist) Photo credit: Small hips – big bust - Shani Shemer online collection
TAKING BACK THE SIDEWALKS
For those who have followed the woes of pedestrians at peril due to the spread of bad-mannered e-bikers on the sidewalks (and the streets)…help is on the way.
The Minister of Internal Security Gilad Erdan brought a recommendation to the cabinet to sponsor legislation that will allow city inspectors to detain and deflate bikers…including empowering them let the air out of their tires ‘til a cop can be summonsed. The cops will be authorized to seize bikes, and ticket those who who have become a menace to pedestrians (and motorists).
In the name of equal treatment, however, Erdan also authorized municipalities to ticket pedestrians for jaywalking on the sidewalk if they venture into special bicycle lanes. (Israel HaYom)
ODD ‘STANDING’ ORDERS
Who isn’t familiar with the ‘Google daily lineup’ – the changing Google logo – the quirkier, the better?
When Google’s executive chairman Eric Schmidt and other senior managers visited the Hazerim Air Force Base south of Beersheva, ‘someone in charge’ got carried away and decided to honor the visitors with a humorous ‘salute’ that almost cost them their command: Hundreds of rank-and-file soldiers on the base were commanded to line up and stand and sit in the broiling sun to spell out ‘Google’ on the runway flanked by two IAF fighter jets while a helicopter filmed a souvenir video clip for Schmidt and the other ‘suits’.
The stunt sparked an investigation by the commander of the Air Force himself whose findings were submitted to Chief-of-Staff: “…IAF solders will be activated only as required by their posts and defined on duty rosters” said IAF Chief Major-General Amir Eshel, saying all commanders should “refresh standing orders”… Photo credit: Screen shot from the video leaked to the press