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CHELM-ON-THE-MED©, OCTOBER 2015 COLUMN 4

 

The ‘Jihadi Terror Wave’

a mixed bag of piquant

BACKPAGE NEWS FROM THE FRONT

GLEANED FROM ISRAEL’S HEBREW MEDIA

October 22, 2015 - October 29 2015

 

 

FLY ‘N THE OINTMENT

Israel received a warning from Lockheed-Martin that the IDF’s three squadrons of F-16s acquired in the 1980s should be grounded and closely inspected for metal fatigue: While designed to fly 9,000 hours, tiny fractures had appeared between the fuselage and the wings of several American jets after 7,000 hours of flight. The manufacturers’ examination procedure called for dismantling half the avionic systems in the plane in order to expose the fuselage from the inside, as well – something that would take months and require literally an army of technicians who were needed elsewhere.

            How did the Israelis react?

            They did the math, and chucked the manual. There had to be a better way!

            Chief warrant officer Meir from the Aerial Maintenance Unit at the Tel Nof Airbase suggested employing a portable ultrasound unit – the kind found in maternity wards at hospitals, and smearing the outside of the fuselage with ultrasound gel to locate any tiny fissures present in the shell.

            “When we told the Americans what we’d done, they started to laugh. And then they checked themselves and admitted our solution was preferable,” said the executive officer of the Air Maintenance Unit, Colonel Gadi. (Yediot)

 

WATCH YOUR BACK?

The famous statement of Biblical convert Ruth the Moabite (Ruth 1-4) to her future Israelite mother-in-law Naomi “your people will be my people” took a bizarre turn when retired American porn-film star Jenna Jameson who is in the process of converting to Judaism decided to publically throw her lot with the Jewish state in a series of tweets supporting Israelis who feel exposed and vulnerable to a sudden ‘stab in the back’…including a fetching photo of Jameson herself on her Facebook profile  with an Israeli flag plastered to her exposed back… (Maariv - NRG.com)

 

THE ‘SITUATION’ WHERE DID YOU SAY???

Several national grocery chains have decided to equip their employees with bullet-proof vests after a number of knifings by Muslims…in Sweden.   (Maariv nrg.com)

 

ALL WATER WORKS…

It may be the reflection of a semi-arid country – that the boys in the Tzofim or Israeli scouts traditionally put out campfires with ‘gear’ the girls are not equipped with – what’s called in Hebrew a ki’bui tzofi (putting out a fire ‘the Scout way’). But two brawny operators of a municipal pump tanker designed to clean up flooding from blocked storm drains and sewage lines up-scaled the Tzofi practice by turning the contents of their tankers towards putting out fires  – three times: once at a construction site, once at a garage, and once to put out a wooden backyard deck going up in smoke.

            Based on their record performance, the CEO of Rishon le-Zion’s water works has suggested the city’s sewer crews be officially appointed ‘first responders’ just like the firefighters. (Yediot

 

HANDS-DOWN

 With so many people overextended and running up an overdraft (Israelis included), finally someone has taken the bull by the horns! The Israeli non-profit Paamonim.org (‘bells,’ founded in 2002) has 2,500 volunteers who advise families in hock to guide them how to live within their means while offering non-interest loans to jump-start the process when needed.

            Now, Paamonim has developed a free table game for kids 10 years-old and up called Tik-Tak-tziv* that can be downloaded as a pdf file, and printed out.

            Players must not only take into account a myriad of expenses from food and clothing, to house insurance and extracurricular activities instead of buying Boardwalk and building hotels; running the household wisely includes all the ‘surprises’ in store such as a burst solar water heater that wasn’t in the budget, in lieu of drawing the classic “Go directly to Jail Do not pass GO. Do not collect $200” card. (Calcalist)

* a play on words combining both ‘tick-tock’ [sic. Hebrew slang for ‘in a jiffy’ even used as a verb] and tick tock-tziv or a ‘budget portfolio.’        

 

EXTRA POINTS FOR VEGANS

It has been assumed that homo sapiens originated in East Africa 200,000 years ago, but findings in prehistoric Qesem caves near Rosh HaAyin – northeast of Tel Aviv, are challenging this unassailable truth.

            The remains of an unknown prehistoric human species found at the site include four teeth that are different from the 300,000 year-old Neanderthal’s (not to mention the modern homo erectus’ dentures). Carbon testing dated the teeth as 400,000 years old – 100,000 earlier than the Neanderthal and 200,000 years earlier than the first homo sapien - suggesting the first inhabitants of the Fertile Crescent  were indigenous, not migrants from East Africa.

            Because the cave was sealed and buried under ten meters of earth, scientists were able to analyze tarter on the teeth that revealed the deceased ‘owner’ was primarily a vegan.

            Archaeologist Professor Avi Gopher hypothesizes that ‘the extinction of elephants in the region led such prehistoric men to find alternative food sources.” But that doesn’t mean our ancestors turned down a good steak when opportunity knocked: The caves held the first signs of “manmade pollution” 400,000 years ago – evidenced by charcoal also found in the dental tarter which originated in the cave dwellers barbeque pits, say the excavators. (Yediot, American Friends of Tel Aviv University)

 

STANDARD BEARER

Reuven (Ruvi) Rivlin is setting new (modest) standards for the Israeli presidency, opting to fly home from a three-day state visit to the Czech Republic on an UP low-cost ($99 and up) El-Al subsidiary flight – shoehorned into an economy class seat for 3.5 hours, dozing and munching on simple sandwiches like everyone else…a choice met by applause from fellow passengers.

            Not a one-time ‘photo op’ for the PR value, President Rivlin did the same (also sans any fanfare) in May 2015, on a state visit to Germany. (The Marker.com, Yediot)

Photo credit:  Yediot correspondent Itamar Eichner  

 

BUMPER CROP

Who can blame motorists for ogling Bar Rafaeli (and the sexy curves of other supermodels) plastered down the entire side of 18-story buildings along the Ayalon Freeway that cuts through the heart of Tel-Aviv? 

            Not many, it seems.

            According to a new study by the Road Safety Commission in Israel, the number of accidents with casualties on the Ayalon skyrocketed by 50 percent when such gigantic signs were permitted (2007-2008) and were 30 percent greater than normal even when such billboards were permitted with minor limitations (the summer of 2009). By contrast, when the gigantic illuminated signs were temporarily banned by law (2008-summer 2009) accidents dropped by 30-40 percent.

            Now that ‘the jury is in’ it is expected initiatives will be rekindled to ban the virtual vertical billboards on the Ayalon for good. (Yediot)

* Think Israel has a problem??? It was only after completion of the $15 M  Mormon Temple at the side of the Washington DC’s Capital Beltway in 1974 that traffic engineers discovered drivers were being distracted by what looks like the castle out of the Wizard of Oz which suddenly appears in their field of vision, causing 260 collisions annually on this 4-mile stretch of eight-lane highway. There is even graffiti on a railroad overpass demanding “Surrender Dorothy” (DCInno).